Thanking God for my beautiful daughter, her amazing teachers and sweet friends who survived in the YMCA Daycare on April 19, 1995 at 9:02 a.m., when cowards murdered 168 people across the street. Forever etched in my memory. I will always remember those killed, those who survived and those whose lives were changed forever.
Today marks 25 years, but for those of us who experienced it first hand, it never goes away and feels like yesterday. Some of my memories are in slow motion, but the images...the things I saw, heard, felt, even the smells...they never go away. One bang from a dumpster being dropped Downtown OKC, still makes my insides tremble. Seeing a Ryder truck, even though they're not yellow anymore...things like that immediately send me back to the alley where I was trying to get to my 5 year old, had a huge gun pointed at me in an alley and was yelled at, "ATF!! Get the ---- out of here!! NOW!!!!" Second alley I tried, same thing. Tried to run. Could not. Too much debris. Finally got to the daycare and there were cops blocking, yellow tape...so many people. Cop yelling at me to get BACK! "You can't go in there'". I said, "I HAVE TO!! My baby is in there! I have to find her!" He said, "We don't know what happened anymore than you do. You're not going in there!" I made a fist. My nails dug into my hand. I rared back to swing and other people grabbed my arm. Someone told me, "No, you don't need to hit him. You need to find her " I looked up and saw her beautiful teacher, Shalonda, with blood all over her. I told him, "There's her teacher! Go tell her Carmen's Mom is here. As soon as he turned around, I lifted that yellow tape and ran to Shalonda. Hugging her, not knowing how bad her injuries were. She said these words to me, and they went through me and have never left me:. "She's ok. She's right here."
Shalonda, I love you. Thank you for that moment that will never leave me.
I looked down and John Fryrear, who we refer to as our Angel, was holding my baby girl and comforting her. She looked up at me, with her most beautiful face, with blood all over it and her shirt and little jeans and said, "Hi, Momma. I knew you'd come!" I fell to my knees, because I lost feeling.
John took us to Children's Hospital. Bless him, God. He was literally our Angel that day.
Surgery, skin graft and 17 stitches later, we were finally discharged late that afternoon. Waiting in the waiting room for our ride home, Edi was crying hysterically. Her mother walked up to me and very sternly asked, "Where did you find your little girl?!?". I said, "At the YMCA Daycare.". She yelled at me, "Well, consider yourself lucky, because we haven't found our babies yet!!!!!" I know she was upset and worried and didn't mean it, but that is when guilt set in.
So many emotions I cannot describe. So many memories I cannot share.
I will never forget.
I love you, Carmen. You will never know just how much.
Today marks 25 years, but for those of us who experienced it first hand, it never goes away and feels like yesterday. Some of my memories are in slow motion, but the images...the things I saw, heard, felt, even the smells...they never go away. One bang from a dumpster being dropped Downtown OKC, still makes my insides tremble. Seeing a Ryder truck, even though they're not yellow anymore...things like that immediately send me back to the alley where I was trying to get to my 5 year old, had a huge gun pointed at me in an alley and was yelled at, "ATF!! Get the ---- out of here!! NOW!!!!" Second alley I tried, same thing. Tried to run. Could not. Too much debris. Finally got to the daycare and there were cops blocking, yellow tape...so many people. Cop yelling at me to get BACK! "You can't go in there'". I said, "I HAVE TO!! My baby is in there! I have to find her!" He said, "We don't know what happened anymore than you do. You're not going in there!" I made a fist. My nails dug into my hand. I rared back to swing and other people grabbed my arm. Someone told me, "No, you don't need to hit him. You need to find her " I looked up and saw her beautiful teacher, Shalonda, with blood all over her. I told him, "There's her teacher! Go tell her Carmen's Mom is here. As soon as he turned around, I lifted that yellow tape and ran to Shalonda. Hugging her, not knowing how bad her injuries were. She said these words to me, and they went through me and have never left me:. "She's ok. She's right here."
Shalonda, I love you. Thank you for that moment that will never leave me.
I looked down and John Fryrear, who we refer to as our Angel, was holding my baby girl and comforting her. She looked up at me, with her most beautiful face, with blood all over it and her shirt and little jeans and said, "Hi, Momma. I knew you'd come!" I fell to my knees, because I lost feeling.
John took us to Children's Hospital. Bless him, God. He was literally our Angel that day.
Surgery, skin graft and 17 stitches later, we were finally discharged late that afternoon. Waiting in the waiting room for our ride home, Edi was crying hysterically. Her mother walked up to me and very sternly asked, "Where did you find your little girl?!?". I said, "At the YMCA Daycare.". She yelled at me, "Well, consider yourself lucky, because we haven't found our babies yet!!!!!" I know she was upset and worried and didn't mean it, but that is when guilt set in.
So many emotions I cannot describe. So many memories I cannot share.
I will never forget.
I love you, Carmen. You will never know just how much.
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